


Feeling Human

by Hp_fan_extreme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hp_fan_extreme/pseuds/Hp_fan_extreme
Summary: After a transformation, Remus finds himself feeling human for the first time in 12 years.





	Feeling Human

Christmas holidays were always a pain in the backside for Remus, especially as his friends usually went home for it. And this year was very similar, except one small difference. He was not at Hogwarts as a student anymore, but a professor, whose friends were in no state to help him, no matter how hard they tried. I mean, it's hard to help someone from prison, or from the afterlife.

Oh yes, Remus had heard all about it. the murder, the betrayal, the deaths. The whole story weighed a great deal on him, knowing that his three best friends were gone, and he could do nothing about it. He felt that part of it was his fault, not being there to save them. But who would have guessed what was going to happen? James and Lily, dead, Peter killed, and Sirius...Oh, Sirius. Remus couldn't even bring himself to think of it, as he lay in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius, his closest friend of the three, the one who had kept him human, so to speak, after transformations. Not saying that the others were unimportant, just that Sirius was a little more special.

But now...Now that Sirius seemed like a dream. The Sirius with his knowing smirk and playful eyes, the Sirius with the soft touch and easy, loping walk, the Sirius with the wit of the Devil and face of an angel, that Sirius. No matter how hard Remus had tried, looking at the picture of Sirius on the front cover of the newspaper, he could extract nothing to pull out a memory of happiness. The wild eyes, like a maniac, the unkempt hair, the sallow cheeks, nothing matched the memory Remus held.

He was procrastinating, he knew he was. He'd waited longer than was smart, and the familiar yet gruesome pain of his transformation had started before he'd taken an extra potion which Dumbledore had provided. He limped slowly towards the bottle and downed it, grimacing at the taste of burning it produced. His vision blurred as he brought it from his lips, waiting anxiously for the minute all hell in his mind would break loose.

A howl pierced the air, shattering Remus' boundary from his animal side. His wolf took over, leaving the human, unconscious, behind.

\----------

When he woke, Remus' eyes immediately fixed on the new damage he'd caused. The nearest chairs were overturned, the table scratched, the pillows torn to pieces. He sighed, feeling bad even though it was not under his control. Another debt to pay off.

A sudden sound of water called his keen ears to attention. He sat up, ignoring the throbbing in his head in curiosity and anxiety, and looked around in the dark to find the source.

A thin, dark figure sat at the foot of the nearest table, next to Remus' leg. The figure pulled out a cloth, dipped it in a pot and wrung it, the same sound of water echoing off the walls of the shack. The figure placed the cloth gently on Remus' leg, where a huge gash was bleeding. Remus winced and recoiled at the touch, afraid of being treated by someone he didn't know.

"Oh, come on now, Moony!" the voice croaked, as if it hadn't been used for a decade other than to scream in anger. "I've been doing this for the past three months! And now you choose to wake up early?"

Remus attempted jump at the voice, recognizing the tone almost instantly. A voice he hadn't heard in 12 years. The attempt to jump, however, knocked any other thought from Remus' mind, and the failed attempt caused him to sprawl on the floor in pain.

"I - ugh - get away! Now!" Remus ordered. But the pain caused him to squeak in pain, and the other man laughed.

"You believe them too, Remus?" he asked, thinly masked hurt ringing behind the humour. "You believe I killed them?"

Remus pushed back to the wall now, his wand in his hand, ready to curse.

"I believe that you're the reason they're dead," he trembled. "And I believe you're going to kill me now."

The other man stepped out of the shadow, towards Remus, causing him to gasp. The pictures had captured little of the insanity that shaped Sirius' face. An insanity caused by hurt and betrayal, not one that caused it. Remus reached up, his hand searching for some familiarity, anything, to grasp on.

Sirius' hand snaked into his, and Remus didn't recoil this time, but rather, held on harder, allowing the stronger of the two to hoist him up. His leg almost gave in, his eyes blackened at the corners, but he held out, using his other arm to brace himself against Sirius. Their faces were so close now, Remus could see the playful glint return to Sirius's eyes. His little smirk played on his lips again.

"I could never kill you, Moony. And I never laid  finger on James and Lily. I went to warn them. They'd chosen the wrong Secret-Keeper. Pettigrew, the little worm, is the only one I'd tried to do anything to." His voice hardened and Remus wanted to step back, but forced himself to look into his eyes.

"Why could you never kill me, then, Padfoot? Why Peter and not me?" Remus said.

"Two reasons, Moony. One, because you're not a traitor, but Wormtail is."

"And two?"

"Because I love you far too much for that."

Remus' heart seemed to jump at that. The old Sirius flooded back into this body; right before his eyes, Sirius seemed to gather life. His eyes danced, his posture pulled him up, straight, taller than Remus, and his sunken cheeks blushed with the happiness of seeing Remus' relief.

"I've missed you, Sirius."

Sirius traced a finger down Remus' cheek.

"There was no need for that."

"And why not?"

"Because I've always been right here," said Sirius, placing his hand of Remus' chest. His pulse hastened under it, and so did Remus' breaths.

And after a moment of hesitation, Remus pulled down Sirius by his collars and spun them round so Sirius was against the wall. His lips met Sirius' and the two of them were entangled, holding on to each other, hoping to never let go. This, this was the familiarity Remus was searching for. And he was rewarded. The past and the present came together, his memories joining as one in that moment. The same, kind lips, demanding tongue, strong arms holding him in, the same feeling of completeness overtook him and he melted into the kiss the way he'd done the first time, hidden away in a corner of the boys' dorm, giving control over to the stronger man.

As Remus pulled down, he saw the Sirius he had fallen head over heels for. Not the one who was accused of murder, not the one who'd been sentenced to life in Azkaban. Not the Sirius who'd been here only minutes ago, treating his injuries with a wild look in his eyes. He saw the Sirius who'd held him after his first transformation. He saw the Sirius who'd snuck off with him after a lesson to make out in a corridor, even after a thousand protests. He saw the Sirius who'd captured his heart, and that same Sirius who'd held it for years upon years.

And finally, Remus felt human once more.

 


End file.
